Disorder and Salty Manna
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James Tissot’s The Gathering of the Manna, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
I feel disordered,
like the Israelites in the desert
in search of a home.
Dune after dune in life,
the ground constantly moves
creating tiny still catacombs.
Burying whatever
little security I had left
from the lack of my parents’
faithfulness.
Hot burning sand
stuck everywhere,
in my eyes,
in my hair,
in my ears,
in my toes,
in my mouth,
in my nose,
in freckles and spots
no one knows,
in my lungs,
in my buttocks,
in my armpits,
in my stomach,
in my crotch,
in the soft fleshly flops
of skin between digits,
in my brain,
and in my soul.
Lost. Lost. Lost.
Like the Israelites,
forty long years have gone by,
or has it been forty-nine?
Lost. Lost. Lost.
When will I learn?
Only faith-fulness balms the burns.
Thank you for loving me,
like Lazarus,
unburying my dead dry body,
with a love so extravagant.
You gave me your tears,
your very meal
day and night,
tender and cool,
a salty manna,
a refreshing
Bethesda pool.
About the Poem:
Before you read what follows, I encourage reading the above poem aloud because when I write poetry I write it to be read and listened to aloud, and it provides a unique sensory/musical experience for the reader that conveys more of the heart and emotions of the poem. Now about the poem…
Recently I was alone praying to Jesus, and lamenting to him about a new layer of the disorder caused many years later from my parents’ divorce. Reflecting on this sad reality with Jesus, He led me to the scriptures of the Book of Exodus where the Israelites were wandering in the desert for forty years because of their unfaithfulness, and I found the parallels to my suffering very comforting. I then found myself spontaneously composing the above poem as a form of prayer out of my grief, and connecting it with other scriptures I love, such as John 11: 1-44, Ezekiel 37: 1-14, Psalm 42:3, and John 5: 1-15.
I hope this poem is a small gift from the Holy Spirit, born from my personal pain, which reaches those who need to read it right now in their journey of healing and can help them in some way grieve and find deeper peace in their own family’s wilderness and desert.
“When one cries may the other taste salt” (a polish adage).
Prayer:
We invite you to pray the Litany of the Wounded Heart as found online here.
About the Author:
I.S. Mercy is a pseudonym from a fellow adult child of divorce and disciple of Christ.
Reflection Questions for Small Groups or Individuals:
Re-read the poem a second time. What emotions, thoughts, or memories were elicited as you read this poem?
Can you relate your story of your parents’ divorce or separation (including what came before and after) to the wandering of the Israelites in the desert? Can you relate it to any of the other scripture passages referenced in this poem?
If you were to add your own stanza to this poem what may it be?
Healing happens when we journey together.
If I.S. Mercy’s reflection resonated with you, consider joining an upcoming Life-Giving Wounds retreat or support group. You do not have to carry the darkness alone.
Together, we can walk into the light.