Research

• “Over a million children experience the divorce of their parents each year in the United States.” (Sullins, 19)

• One quarter of today’s young adults are grown children of divorce. (Marquardt, “Shape of Families,” 66)

• “Half of all children born into married families today will undergo the divorce of their parents.” (Sullins, 19; from Furstenberg, 660)

• “Less than half [of] the children in the United States today will grow up in a household with continuously married parents.” (Wasserman, 56)

• More than one divorce: “10 percent of all children born into married households will witness the divorce of their parents two or more times.” (Sullins, 19)

• Many children are very young when their parents divorce, since about 80% of all divorced couples divorce in the first ten years of marriage. (Sullins, 21)

• Yet more and more adults are becoming children of divorce due to the phenomenon of the “grey divorce revolution”: between the years 1990 - 2010 the divorce rate for the U.S. population over the age of fifty doubled, and more than doubled for those over the age of sixty-five. (Brown et al.) The authors of this study predict that this will continue to increase.

• Single-mother households: Most children of divorce end up living with their mother, since custody is awarded to mothers about 85% of the time. (Sullins, 21)

• Loss of contact with father: Only 17% of children of divorce maintain frequent contact with the non-custodial parent (usually the father). (Sullins, 21; from Furstenberg, 656)

• Many children experience the remarriage of one or both parents: “Three-quarters of divorced women marry again within ten years.” (Sullins, 27)

• …and many experience more than one divorce: “About one in six American adults has experienced two or more divorces.” (Sullins, 29)

• Some increased effects on boys: Boys growing up outside of an intact family (as compared with girls in the same situation) experience poorer educational outcomes and higher rates of criminal involvement. (Wasserman, 55)

• Major disruptions: change of house (or town/city/state), change of people in the house, new major relationships (for example when a parent or parents remarry)

  • “The number of family structure transitions during childhood has been shown to be associated with children’s behavior problems, drug use, externalizing problems and delinquent behavior, academic achievement, psychological well-being, having a non-marital birth, and relationship instability in adulthood.” (Sullins, 29; quoting Amato, 657)

• Loss of contact with one’s father / stressed-out single mother / Loss of time together with one or both parents; leads to feelings of low self-esteem, abandonment, and rejection

• Complicated family relationships with parents, step-parents, step-siblings, etc.

• Reduced standard of living (see Financial effects, below)

• Loss of childhood; having to “become the adult”

• Questioning religious faith (see effects on religious faith, below)

• Fractured identity as they now feel torn between the two worlds of their parents (Marquadt, Between Two Worlds)

• Difficulties forming and maintaining relationships (see Relationship Effects, below)

• Major emotional fall-out and loneliness (see Emotional Effects, below)

• Divorce of the adult child’s parents can have numerous impacts, such as the following: strained parental resources, shortened time for self-exploration, shift in focus to parental needs and creation of roles for which the young adult might not be prepared, hindered sense of belongingness and love, inability to progress to self-esteem development and achievement (VanWormer, 2007), altered relationships with family members, and problematic development of trust and commitment in relationships (Sumner 273-274).

• The young adult may be burdened by taking on caregiving responsibilities, becoming confidante for a parent, orchestrating events so as to avoid outbursts and minimize discord (Campbell, 1995; Lambert, 2007), worrying about which parent to spend holidays and vacations with as well as experiencing manipulation from their parents in regard to the decision (Swartzman-Schatman and Schinke 1993).

• Long-term parental discord can be an indicator of future divorce and affect the psychological well-being of adult children, who could also experience a sense of betrayal or abandonment, resentment, and lack of guidance in addressing these feelings (Sumner 274).

• Witnessing the failure of their parents’ marriage causes adult children to question their own relationships (Campbell, 1995), have feelings of insecurity and loss of confidence in long-term committed relationships, worry more about future relationships, and negatively perceive commitment and marriage (Campbell, 1995; Duran-Aydintug 1997) (Sumner 276).

• “In general, however, adult children of divorce exhibit trust issues in relationships (Duran-Aydintug, 1997). Integration of the divorce experience results in better intimate relationship functioning in young adults (Shulman, Scharf, Lumer, & Mauer, 2001)” (Sumner 276-277).

• “Specific intimacy and loyalty ideals identified by adult children of divorce are commitment, affection, stability, support, and acceptance” (Sumner 277).

• “Under the perception that behavior can be encouraged or discouraged based on reactions in the environment, the adult child of divorce’s lower likelihood to be engaged in long-term committed relationships and exhibit ineffective communication skills can be seen as a behavior modeled after their divorced parents” (Sumner 279).

• “[A]dult children might face the unique challenge of managing parents in different households, the need to provide social or financial support, or taking on roles for which they are unprepared, such as that of confidante or friend. In the process of coping with their parents’ divorce, they might also have the added external stressors of transitioning to life away at college, beginning careers , or raising families of their own. Moreover, ACOD might be met with cultural and relational assumptions that they are unaffected by the divorce because they are mature enough to handle it” (Abetz and Wang 195).

• “Americans raised by divorced parents are more likely than children whose parents were married during most of their formative years to be religiously unaffiliated - 35% to 23% respectively” (Public Religion Research Institute; cf. Leora E. Lawton and Regina Bures, 106.)

• Of those practicing and “affiliated,” children of divorce rates of religious attendance (of at least one service or Mass a week) are lower compared to those raised in intact families - 31% to 43% respectively (Public Religion Research Institute)

• 2/3 of young adults who were regularly attending a church or synagogue at the time of their parents’ divorce say that no-one - neither from the clergy nor the congregation - reached out to them at that time (Marquadt, Between Two Worlds, pg. 155). They, therefore, not surprisingly are more likely to believe that organized religion wasn’t listening or ministering to their wounds.

• “Only one child in seventeen (6.3%) whose parents had divorced rate their father as someone who was ‘warm, loving and cared for them,’ compared to almost one in two children (43%) whose parents were in a first marriage.” (Sullins, 22; from the 1996 National Longitudinal Survey of Adolescent Health)

• For many children of divorce, “Father becomes a peripheral player in the ebb and flow of daily experience.” (Sullins, 22; from Kalter, 595)

• 65% of 18-22 year-olds from divorced families have “poor” relationships with their fathers. (Sullins, 33)

• “As a result of a parent’s withdrawal, children of unhappy marriages, especially those from divorced families, frequently feel unloved and are most disappointed with their paternal relationships. They tend to feel less loved and less heard by both parents (in contrast to those from intact families) but particularly by fathers” (Webster and Herzog).

• “Divorce strongly increases the risk of poverty for both mothers and children. … Male single parent households, at 24.2 percent, are about three times, and female single parent households, at 40.2 percent, almost five times as likely to be in poverty as are married households, at 8.8 percent.” (Sullins, 22-23; from the 2010 Census)

• Divorced parents are far less likely to financially support a child’s educational attainment; “only 29 percent of the divorced children received full or consistent partial support from their parents for college, compared to 88 percent of the children from intact families.” (Sullins, 25; quoting Wallerstein, xx)

• Children of divorce are more likely to earn poorer grades in school, about twice as likely to drop out or get expelled, and are less likely to attend or finish college. (Sullins, 24)

• Children of divorce are less likely to receive financial help from their parents for their education. (See “financial effects,” above.)

• 25% of 18-22 year-olds from divorced families had dropped out of high school. (Sullins, 33)

• Compared with children in intact families, children of divorce are more likely to have definite or severe emotional or behavioral problems, to have “many worries,” to be unhappy and depressed, and to be diagnosed with a learning disability or ADHD. (Sullins, 26; from Blackwell, 20-34)

• “Children living with their mother (but not their father) in single or stepfamilies after divorce experienced twice the rate of both moderate and several emotional problems as those living with two biological parents.” (Sullins, 27; from Bramlett, 553)

• 40% of 18-22 year-olds from divorced families had received psychological help. (Sullins, 33)

• Adults whose parents divorced “exhibited a significantly higher risk for depression,” no matter when their parents’ divorce happened. (Sullins, 33-34; quoting Uphold-Carried, 247)

• Strong anger, particularly toward the parent viewed as most responsible; unresolved anger can be misdirected at one’s spouse, self (destructive behavior), children, etc. (Fitzgibbons, 61)

• Loneliness: children of divorce were three times more likely to agree with the statement, “I was lonely a lot as a child.” (Marquardt, 139)

• Adolescents in divorced homes are more likely to describe their parents as highly disengaged or highly controlling, with a correlation to greater feelings of loneliness (Lan).

• Children of divorce whose parents engage in conflict post-divorce experience a persistent fear of abandonment, which predicts future mental health problems. (O’Hara)

• High conflict and low father support are associated with higher mental health problems. In addition, interparental conflict is also associated with greater child adjustment problems, and fathers’ withdrawal associates with their children’s higher development of problems (Elam et al 590).

• “But no matter what their success in the world, they retain some serious residues - fear of loss, fear of change, and fear that disaster will strike - especially when things are going well” (Wallerstein 300-301).

• Fear and lack of confidence in relationships: 80 percent of ACOD who are married fear that their own marriages may end in divorce. 52 percent say they lack self-confidence in love relationships (Neuman, 14).

  • “Anxiety about relationships was at the bedrock of their personalities and endured even in very happy marriages. Their fears of disaster and sudden loss rose when they felt content. And their fear of abandonment, betrayal, and rejection mounted when they found themselves having to disagree with someone they loved” (Wallerstein 300-301).

  • “Adult children of divorce who had to grapple with chronic rejection in the family and literal abandonment, where one or both parents deserted the children, often struggle with intense fears of desertion, even when they’re in stable relationships with loving and loyal partners. It’s difficult for these adult children to believe that their adult intimate relationships could be dramatic improvements over those they witnessed earlier in their lives, when they were especially impressionable and vulnerable” (Piorkowski 70).

  • “For the adult children of divorce, fears of betrayal are widespread” (Piorkowski 64).

  • Fear of intimacy: “With adult children of divorce, who are more likely to have witnessed family tragedies than adults from intact families, fear of intimacy are widespread and run the gamut from commonplace concerns to more calamitous anxieties” (Piorkowski 57).

• Greater risk of divorce: Marriages where one spouse is a child of divorce are 40% more likely to end in divorce than marriages where neither spouse is a child of divorce; and “when both husband and wife come from divorced families, the odds of divorce are at least 200 percent higher.” (Fitzgibbons, 54, citing Wolfinger, Understanding the Divorce Cycle, 74; see also Wolfinger, “More Evidence…” and Rosenfield and Roesler)

  • Why? 1) Ambivalence about marriage; 2) Lack of interpersonal skills, especially in terms of handling conflict; 3) Fear of abandonment or betrayal (they end the relationship instead); 4) Anxiety about relationships in general; 5) Hesitation to give oneself fully to the other

• Greater prevalence of cohabitation: Children of divorce are 47% more likely to cohabit with a romantic partner than are children from intact families. (Sullins, 36; from Wilcox, 87)

• More difficulty in marriage: “In their own marriages, children of divorced parents are more likely to be unhappy, to escalate conflict, to communicate less, to argue frequently, and to shout or to physically assault their spouse when arguing.” (Fitzgibbons, 54; from Webster)

• Difficulty maintaining close relationships: 72 percent believe that their parents’ divorce affected their ability to sustain close relationships (Neuman, 14).

  • “In addition, because children of divorce saw their parents’ marital relationship fall apart, often in humiliating ways, their fears of being demeaned in their own love relationships are strong. Therefore, they avoid the chance of being humiliated by staying away from romantic relationships altogether or by settling for superficial ones with little risk” (Webster and Herzog).

  • “In one study comparing the relationship ideals of adult children of divorce with those from intact families, the investigators found that adult children of divorce had significantly higher relationship ideals than others, specifically around affection, acceptance, independence, and passion - a finding that suggests that adult children of divorce can easily be disappointed if these ideals are not met” (Conway et al.).

• Lower oxytocin levels: Young adults who experienced their parents’ divorce as children were shown to have substantially lower oxytocin levels than their peers from intact homes. Oxytocin is a hormone important for attachment and bonding, so the study suggests that experiencing parental divorce as a child could impact a person’s ability to attach and bond in a healthy way with a future spouse and children. (Boccia)

• Children of divorce are at greater risk for stroke (2.2 times higher odds). (Thorn, 42)

• Men whose parents divorced when they were children had a 48% higher risk of smoking, and women a 35% higher risk. (Thorn, 44)

• The prolonged stress caused by parental divorce “can disrupt the development of brain architecture and other organ systems, and increase the risk for stress-related disease and cognitive impairment, well into the adult years.” (Thorn, 48; quoting Harvard University’s “Toxic Stress” information)

• Girls from divorced families “become sexually active at a younger age, have more partners, and are at more risk of an early pregnancy.” (Thorn, 49)

• Boys from divorced families have more sexual partners and encounters than their peers from intact homes (Spruijt and Duindam) and are more likely to acquire a sexually transmitted disease (Anda et al.)

When a girl is in a home with her mother and a stepfather, her risk of being sexually victimized doubles. (Thorn, 49; and American Psychological Association resource on child sexual abuse)

Abetz, Jenna, and Tiffany R. Wang. “‘Were They Ever Really Happy the Way That I Remember?’: Exploring Sources of Uncertainty for Adult Children of Divorce.” Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, vol. 58, no. 3, Apr. 2017, pp. 194–211. EBSCOhost, https://doi-org.ezp.raritanval.edu/10.1080/10502556.2017.1301158.

Amato, Paul R. “Research on Divorce: Continuing Trends and New Developments.” Journal of Marriage and Family 72:3 (June 2010).

Anda, R.F., Chapman, D.P., Felitti, V.J., Edwards, V., Williamson, D.F., Croft, J.B., and Giles, W.H., “Adverse Childhood Experiences and Risk of Paternity in Teen Pregnancy,” Obstetrics and Gynecology 100, (2002): 37-45.

Blackwell, D. L. “Family Structure and Children’s Health in the United States: Findings from the National Health Interview Survey: 2001-2007.” National Center for Health Statistics 246.

Boccia, Maria L., et. al., “Parental divorce in childhood is related to lower urinary oxytocin concentrations in adulthood,” Journal of Comparative Psychology (August 13, 2020) (Popular review of study here.)

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Conway, M.B., Christensen, T.M., and Herlihy, B. “Adult Children of Divorce and Intimate Relationships: Implications for Counseling,” The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families 11(4) (2003), 364– 373.

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Elam, Kit, et al. “Non-Residential Father-Child Involvement, Interparental Conflict and Mental Health of Children Following Divorce: A Person-Focused Approach.” Journal of Youth & Adolescence, vol. 45, no. 3, Mar. 2016, pp. 581–93. EBSCOhost, https://doi-org.ezp.raritanval.edu/10.1007/s10964-015-0399-5.

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Lan, Xiaoyu, “Disengaged and highly harsh? Perceived parenting profiles, narcissism, and loneliness among adolescents from divorced families,” Personality and Individual Differences 171 (March 2021).

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