A Litany of Healing for Adult Children of Divorce
Alexander Andreyevich Ivanov’s Christ's Appearance to Mary Magdalene after the Resurrection (1835). Russian Museum, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.
After attending the 2024 Lenten Life-Giving Wounds support group and a book study on Torn Asunder: Children, the Myth of the Good Divorce, and the Recovery of Origins, edited by Margaret McCarthy, it became evident that to continue my healing journey I needed counseling. In one of my counseling sessions, my therapist thought it may be helpful to create a list of my wounds that stemmed from my parents’ divorce. When I heard the word “list,” I then thought of the word “litany.” Thus, the idea was born to turn this list into a litany prayer. This helped in two ways: first, I was able to approach God in a tangible way to ask for healing and begin to receive it. And second, it was a “leave no stone unturned” experience where I could shed light on those wounds that were festering.
At first the litany was specific and personal. When it was completed, I realized others could benefit from it, so I went through it and line by line asked myself what is at the heart of this? I then generalized it in a way I felt others could relate to who had similar experiences.
As the experience of every adult child of divorce (ACOD) is unique, I highly recommend this exercise. Make your own litany personal and specific. This is why I consulted my good friend, Melissa Sandy, to contribute to the litany from her own experiences. It took several visits to the Adoration chapel to sit and meditate with our Lord and slowly add, edit and review as well as to pray it through. It was a cathartic exercise which led to much peace and acceptance, and a release of so much resentment and bitterness. Has this wound completely healed? I think not, as some wounds are chronic and re-open. But praying unites us in a beautiful way to Jesus and he brings consolation and grace sufficient.
A last thought, and very beneficial to my own personal healing, is to think or say nothing, but only to gaze at the wound in the side of our Lord as he hangs from the cross. Just as the Israelites of the Old Testament were advised to look at the serpent raised on the bronze pole in order to be healed from their snake bites (Cf. Numbers 21:9), I think we are all called to look upon the suffering Christ, where our own suffering can be crucified with him. We receive healing by looking upon that great Definition of Suffering. My wound is in the heart, so I gaze on his wounded heart and anticipate the healing I have been promised.
Litany Part I: Heal me, Jesus.
Lord, have mercy,
Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy,
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy,
Lord, have mercy.
From the wound of my first awareness of my parents’ divorce,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of confusion and the misunderstanding of that moment,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of stifling my emotions so that no one would know how I felt,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of being instructed to hide my feelings,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of witnessing pain inflicted on one parent by the other,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of seeing a parent abandoned,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of witnessing a parent live alone,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of visiting my parent’s new home for the first time,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of keeping the divorce secret, including from extended family,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of ambiguity and not knowing the details surrounding why my parents divorced or separated,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of waiting for the day of my parent’s departure from home,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of witnessing my parent pack up and move out,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of my parent just disappearing without any goodbye,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of one parent kicking my other parent out of our home,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of believing my parents would get back together,
heal me, Jesus
From the wound of the loss of childhood,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of too many responsibilities too early,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of parenting my parents,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of witnessing the pain, sorrow, and rage of my sibling(s),
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of having to take on the role of peace-maker of my parents’ relationship,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of my parents failing to solve their problems,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of listening to one parent’s friends or relatives degrade my other parent,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of listening to the bitterness and hatred of one parent directed at the other,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of being negatively compared to my father,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of being negatively compared to my mother,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of discovering one or both of my parents’ imperfections and sinful actions,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of witnessing one or both parents cry,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of having to move due to the divorce,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of shuffling back and forth between parents,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of changing schools and communities, and all that it entailed,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of not being accepted in my new environment,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of being teased,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of difficulties in school due to my family situation,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of losing the presence of one or both parents having to work full-time and part-time to pay the bills,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of witnessing the financial burden and stress placed on one or both of my parents,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of being abandoned,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of holiday traditions broken,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of being separated from my sibling(s),
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of a fractured relationship with my sibling(s),
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of feeling the emptiness of a broken family,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of one or both parents dating and re-marrying,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of adjusting to step-parents,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of feeling divided,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of feeling disloyal,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of not knowing how to be,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of feeling like an outsider, and extended family questions that I was not equipped to answer,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of addiction or neglect by one or both parents,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of verbal, emotional, mental, physical or spiritual harm from one or both parents,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of embarrassing circumstances as a result of the divorce,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of humiliations suffered,
heal me, Jesus.
From the wound of silence,
heal me, Jesus.
From all other wounds, known and unknown, that have been impacting my life from my parents’ divorce,
heal me, Jesus.
Litany Part II: Deliver me, Jesus.
From the tendency to feel hopeless,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the tendency of falling into despair,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the tendency of self-rejection,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the tendency of perfectionism,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the tendency of people-pleasing,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being unlovable,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being unable to love,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being imperfect,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of not being authentic to self,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being alone,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of dying alone,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being unworthy in any situation,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of rejection,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of intimacy,
deliver me, Jesus.
Litany Part III: Forgive me, Jesus.
From the sin of rash judgment towards one or both parents,
forgive me, Jesus.
From the sin of detraction towards one or both parents,
forgive me, Jesus.
From the sin of contempt and hatred towards one or both parents,
forgive me, Jesus.
From the sin of holding on to resentment,
forgive me, Jesus.
From the sin of unforgiveness,
forgive me, Jesus.
From the sin of self-righteousness,
forgive me, Jesus.
From the sin of self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, and other promiscuous behavior,
forgive me, Jesus.
From the sin of injuring others by my words and actions,
forgive me, Jesus.
From the sin of pride and not allowing others to help,
forgive me, Jesus.
From the sin of not loving myself as Jesus loves me,
forgive me, Jesus.
From the sin of placing others before God,
forgive me, Jesus.
From all other sins against You whom I should love above all things,
forgive me, Jesus.
O my Lord, I now gaze upon the wound in your side where the spear pierced your most Sacred Heart, and the Precious Blood and Water flowed out as a river of Mercy for all of mankind. Allow me to enter into your wounded heart so that my own heart may be healed like yours.
Through the gift of the Holy Spirit, you give me the desire and the capacity to forgive and to be healed. Fill me now with your abundance so that my cup overflows.
In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
Amen
About the Author:
Sonja LoVecchio is an ACOD. Her parents divorced suddenly and unexpectedly when she was twelve. She has been married to her childhood sweetheart for thirty-five years and is a mother of six, and grandmother of fourteen and counting. Melissa Sandy, also an ACOD, contributed to this litany from her own experiences.
Reflection Questions for Small Groups or Individuals:
Which line spoke the most to you as you read it? Which one do you feel called to go back and reflect on more?
What additional lines, from your life experience, would you like to incorporate into this prayer?
After you have prayed with this prayer, where do you feel the Lord speaking to you?
Healing happens when we journey together.
If Sonja’s prayer and reflection resonated with you, consider joining an upcoming Life-Giving Wounds retreat or support group. You do not have to carry the darkness alone.
Together, we can walk into the light.