Temperament is the science of how we tend to react. Some people tend to react quickly and intensely. Others react slowly and not intensely. For some people, their reactions are long-lived; others easily let go. Some forgive and forget; others hold on for decades. Some love to immediately take charge, while others just want to fit in and go with the flow. These temperament differences impact (but need not determine) our emotional lives, relationships and our spiritual lives.

For adult children of divorce, a fear of dating, relationships, and the thought of marriage one day can be very real. As ACODs, we have been profoundly wounded by relationships and marriage. We saw what was meant to last instead fall apart. We were robbed of our need and right to be raised by both of our parents together in the same house, to bear an image and example to us of agape love, which is the kind of love that God has for us. The sacrament of holy matrimony is good, beautiful, and holy. Marriage and family life must follow the vows, which is God’s design and plan for marriage and family life. As children of divorce or separation, we saw distortions of the truth and something beautiful and good turned ugly and undesirable.

I define the ‘sexual orphan’ as ‘anyone who has been deprived the protection or advantage of their parents’ formative witness in regards to the physical, moral, psychological, or emotional dimensions of human sexuality because of parental divorce, separation, or neglect.

I was inspired to re-read The Lord of the Rings specifically through the lens of this experience, especially since Frodo is also the “Ring-bearer.” I finished this project recently and I wanted to share my reflections with you here.

Spiritual direction is the art of guiding someone or being guided to greater growth in the spiritual life and ultimately to the goal of becoming the saint that God has created each one of us to be. Put simply: our goal in this life is to get to Heaven, become holy, and enjoy eternal happiness, and a spiritual director helps us to get there. The true spiritual director is the Holy Spirit, and so both the spiritual director and the directee must be in relationship with the Holy Spirit through prayer and the sacraments to be able to listen to His voice and follow where He is leading.