The only thing I can really control is my own internal, spiritual life (although I admit even that seems out of control at times!).  Right now, I want to do that by spending more time with the most perfect of families! The best part is that I know I am called to be a part of this perfect, intact family! I think that spending time with the Holy Family will keep me focused and restful.

What if my mom brings her new boyfriend to Thanksgiving when dad is there? What if I start feeling sad and my much younger sister who did not experience the family divorce the way I did, tells me again to knock it off and just enjoy myself? What if my brother, who is not speaking to dad since he left the family, stomps off to his room? Why can’t we just have Christmas together like we used to?

During his homily, a local priest referred to Christmas as “the whisper of a hope that never dies.” This struck me to the point of tears. These peaceful, consoling words I needed to hear this season came at the most unexpected time—and it has been a very, very long time since I have felt that sort of consolation flood my heart.

Music became a way for me not only to relive and dwell on my brokenness, but a place of healing where the melody of God’s Word filled the emptiness of my heart. My soul was like a dry, parched land, and music became the rain that soaked me to my core. Music became an oasis and a refuge. Even to this day, in my moments of deepest darkness and despair, when nothing else seems to be able to bring me peace, if I turn to music, the Truth soaks me through and soothes my wounds. When I cannot see the Truth on my own, I allow God to sing His Truth over me, again and again.