Mary's Response When We Ask, "Why, Lord?"
“Now his parents went to Jerusalem every year at the feast of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up according to custom; and when the feast was ended, as they were returning, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents did not know it, but supposing him to be in the company they went a day’s journey, and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintances; and when they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem, seeking him. After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions; and all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. And when they saw him they were astonished; and his mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been looking for you anxiously.” And he said to them, “How is it that you sought me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” And they did not understand the saying which he spoke to them. And he went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart. ”
“Why?” is a hard question to ask, simply because of the fact that it is the hardest question to answer. And that’s difficult, because “why” is often the question we want answered the most. Even in the Gospel story above, when Mary and Joseph found Jesus in the Temple, Mary asks Jesus, “Son, why have you treated us so?” She is wondering why her beloved son would cause her so much turmoil. She goes on to state, “Your father and I have been looking for you anxiously.” I’m sure we can all relate to feeling anxious about something in our lives, especially about the things we don’t understand and those that cause us pain.
Ironically, “why” is the one question the Lord has never promised to answer. Even his own mother asks him why and he doesn’t answer her. Well, he does answer her, but not in the way she was probably hoping for. He says, “How is it that you sought me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” He responds to her question with a question. What could Jesus possibly be teaching us?
The last year of my life has been the most difficult to bear. To sum it up quickly, I tore my meniscus and had to have surgery, 4 months later I was hit by a car walking home from work; I broke my leg and injured my shoulder. Two weeks after that, I found out the man I loved and planned to marry was living a double life and cheating on me. We were supposed to be getting engaged and entering into the most blissful time of wedding preparation…and instead my life was turned upside down. I had no idea what to think or how to pray. And all I wanted answered was why. Why was the Lord allowing such pain and heartache in my life?
As an adult child of divorce (ACOD), this betrayal affected me deeply. I already struggle to rest in my identity as loveable, and this man’s cruelty inflicted the wound of abandonment and question of loveable-ness even deeper. I have been told over and over that going through this break up was a severe mercy. It hurts in the depths of my soul, but it is a mercy because the Lord desires so much more goodness for me. I think that is what Mary chose to focus on, too: her heartache at losing her son in the crowd - one of many other sorrows - was going to be redeemed because she knew who her son was and what he was destined for. So she pondered his words quietly in her heart, choosing to trust.
Trust is such a hard thing to do, especially as ACODs. We’ve been given so many reasons to distrust. The only way I can lean into trusting a little bit more each day is not to keep pondering all the “why” questions and begging the Lord for answers he won’t give, but instead by focusing on the things he did promise. There are beautiful promises in Scripture that the Lord made to us: “I am with you always” (Matt 28:20) and “We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose” (Rom 8:28). So when we find ourselves crying out to the Lord in despair, there are questions we can ask him because we can trust that he is with us, loving us, and desiring to bring about greater glory in our lives.
Instead of asking “why,” a wise Sister of Life, Sister Lucia, encouraged me to ask: “Lord, where were you through all of this pain?” and “What are you going to do with all this pain?” She told me to have confidence in my questions and trust that he will answer, but like Mary, we have to be ready for an answer we may not expect. We have to surrender, and that is an active choice, not passive. It takes work to continually place our hearts, our burdens and our desires at the foot of the cross and trust that God will work to bring about resurrection.
One of the hardest things about the trauma I have experienced this past year was how public it was. Everyone knew and was aware of my heartache. That’s a very humbling place to be. But yet again, the Blessed Mother came to my aid. She also lived her suffering publicly, at the foot of the cross. Her heart was completely ripped open and pierced with the sword that Simeon foretold, and everyone around her saw it happen. On Holy Saturday, she might have been the only one with hope and that could have caused her to look foolish. It looked like her son was a complete failure. Reflecting on this, I related to Mary in a new way. She is the one who helped me to continue to hope and trust in her son, even when it felt like my life had fallen apart and I had somehow failed.
I sometimes find myself desiring to run away and hide from the world, to let my brokenness harden me, and to run away from everyone. But that’s not what Jesus wants for me, and deep down I don’t want it either. There is more strength in keeping my heart soft, kind, and easily bendable, just like I imagine Our Lady’s heart to be. I only find this kind of strength standing next to Mary at the foot of the cross and daily surrendering my life, heartaches and all, to her son. She reminds me, by the example of her own life, that he hears my cries and will one day, in all the miraculous ways I don’t understand, bring about a greater glory and resurrection in my life that will be beautiful to behold.
About the Author
Morgan McGinn lives in Denver, Colorado and is a 2nd grade teacher at the greatest Catholic school ever. She loves it so much she’s been teaching there for 12 years! Her parents divorced when she was a freshman in college and she attended her first Life-Giving Wounds retreat in the fall of 2020. As she likes to tell people, it changed her life for good! She is now on the LGW leadership team in Denver and helps run the ministry’s Instagram account, and is grateful to serve in this much needed ministry. Before teaching, Morgan worked as a FOCUS missionary and loved the time she spent living out east in the Washington DC area and New Jersey. In her opinion, early morning Mass followed by reading a good book at a coffee shop, or crafting with dear friends at “crafternoon”, are some of the best ways to spend time outside of work.
Reflection Questions for Small Groups or Individuals
What “why” questions do you have for the Lord?
What is Jesus asking of you in this moment?