Holy Home
A broken home,
Four broken hearts;
A broken family,
Love torn apart.
A longing deep,
For a home as one;
A dream unrealized,
Vision ne’er to come.
Suppress the dream;
Move on, don’t dwell.
A heart so heavy,
Yet none can tell.
And yet, and yet,
The desire keeps stirring;
Fire once doused,
Yet it keeps burning.
Crush it, stomp it,
Push it down;
Keeps on coming,
Can’t be drowned.
Divine desire,
In my human heart;
Can’t be soothed,
‘Til made to start.
Break it open,
Speak the truth:
Four together,
Under one roof.
Desires spoken,
Pain released;
Surrender forth
To Maker’s Peace.
Deep to deep,
Desire to desire;
Holy Family,
Holy Fire.
A home made whole,
A resting place;
All are welcome,
Filled with Grace.
New life dawning,
Pressing on,
Ever greater,
Shouts the throng.
A longing deep,
For home as one;
A dream is realized,
Vision come.
Father, Mother,
Son Divine;
A holy home,
At last made mine.
Explanation:
For a good portion of my life, I suppressed and denied my desire for an intact family. I have no memories of my parents being together or living in the same house. (My dad left when I was two years old and the divorce quickly followed.) I remember often telling other people, and myself, how good it was that my parents were not together. I would make comments such as, “They are just so different; I don’t see how it would have worked anyway.” “My dad was drawing my mom away from our Catholic faith so it worked out well that he left because she fully went back to the Church.” “My mom, my sister and I love being a family of three!”
It took close to thirty years of the Lord’s patient work and gentle graces for me to begin to see through the layers of my self-deception and self-protection. Being able to finally say, “I wish my mom and dad lived in the same house and were still together,” is still painful because it forces me to acknowledge a desire that will never be fulfilled, and at the same time, it is also immensely freeing. My plan to “crush it, stomp it, push it down” only created more pain because I was choosing to suppress a part of my own heart, as it was designed and created by God Himself.
God made each of us to have an earthly father AND mother, living in loving union with God and each other, providing a home full of love, safety and security in which we could grow and develop into the persons He created us to be. On some level, this sounds like a bum deal to us adult children of divorce. We have a need in our hearts that can seemingly never be fulfilled in this life. How can that be fair? How can we thrive? Are we doomed to live with this ache all the days of our life here on earth?
I am here to tell you some amazingly good news! Jesus said in the Gospel of John, “I will not leave you orphans. I will come to you” (John 14:18). God, in His infinite wisdom, knows fully the hearts and minds of all His children. He would never write a desire into our hearts without also providing for its fulfillment! And, as usual, He fulfills our desire for a human mother and human father in a way that is far beyond anything we could ever imagine! Jesus Christ gives us His own Blessed Mother and Most Chaste Father to be our spiritual parents as well! He gives all of us, by virtue of Baptism, access to be members of the Holy Family. Without ignoring, erasing or pushing aside the pain and wounds which we have experienced in our broken earthly families, He gives us His own Holy Family to be a place of rest, security and love.
This revelation blows my mind! The family I truly desire is “at last made mine.” And it was given freely before I even knew to ask or knew the deeper desires of my own heart! I have in Mary a mother who can rest in the security of her husband’s provision, free to receive what is given and respond in love, joy and compassion. I have in St. Joseph a father who will not leave when difficulties arise, who embraces his sufferings willingly and patiently. And I have in Jesus a sibling who is with me on this journey, encouraging me and uplifting me.
And so much more!
I know I am just beginning to see my place in the Holy Family and to embrace the Holy Family as my own. Although really it’s more a matter of letting myself be embraced by them! It makes my heart leap with joy to think of how much more I have to learn from them! I may have grown up in a broken family, but that doesn’t mean I have to “miss out” or “make do” or “make the best of things.” I am a member of an intact family. I have a spiritual mother and father who are not just a great model for married life, but THE model for every marriage! The more I dive into my place in the Holy Family, the more I learn about marriage, family and myself.
Will you join me? This isn’t some special, one time, one person only invitation that I have been extended. This invitation is for us all. I know Jesus, Mary and Joseph are waiting for you with open arms, to show you the love and healing you were made to have.
How can this be done?
To be honest, the journey is probably different for everyone. We are all at different places in our healing and therefore open to different aspects of this invitation. If this is totally new to you, welcome to the family! If you have heard this many times before, welcome to the family! I am sure there is even more in store for you! Whatever is happening in your heart, be at peace with where you are and be open to being drawn deeper. There is no rush. This Family is here to stay!
Here are some ways to start growing your relationship with the Holy Family:
Spend time with them in prayer. I have heard a few people over the years suggest imagining yourself in a scene in the life of the Holy Family. You might be a small observer, or in the place of Christ, being adored by Mary and Joseph, or even as a sibling, with Jesus by your side. See where the Holy Spirit leads you. (Ed. Note: check out this novena to the Holy Family from Life-Giving Wounds, specifically for adult children of divorce and other difficult family situations.)
Invoke the Holy Family throughout the day. I like to say a special prayer whenever we get in the car. I say, “Jesus, Mary and Joseph…” and my kids respond, “...be with us on our way!”
Hang up a picture of the Holy Family or the Three Hearts (Sacred Heart of Jesus, Immaculate of Mary, Chaste Heart of Saint Joseph).
When you encounter a difficult situation in life, spend time praying and meditating on a Bible passage involving the Holy Family, or just try to imagine how a similar scene would have played out in their lives. For instance, I often think of the Finding of Jesus in the Temple. We are told that Mary and Joseph searched anxiously, but I ponder how they would have acted towards each other and towards strangers while feeling such anxiety.
Do a 33 Day Consecration! Yes, this is a bigger time commitment, but I cannot even begin to tell how much fruit these have all borne in my life!
33 Days to Morning Glory is the consecration to Mary by Father Michael Gaitley that I recommend.
33 Days to Merciful Love is a consecration to Jesus, also from Father Gaitley.
33 Day Consecration to Saint Joseph from Father Calloway.
Whatever you choose and wherever you are on your journey, I am blessed to be here with you!
Quotes to encourage you:
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph love families. Their three hearts are very concerned about what is happening to families today. Families are falling apart.”
“God established the family to be a school of love, something beautiful, delightful, and life-giving, and the devil and his agents want to destroy it. How are we ever going to turn the situation around? How can we return to order? The only way is to elevate the Holy Family as the model and blueprint of the family. When the Holy Family is celebrated in society, we will again know the sanctity of motherhood, the heroism of fatherhood and the blessing of children.”
About the author
Stephanie is a wife and mother of three boys. She and her family live in Pennsylvania. Her husband works for their local parish and she homeschools their boys. According to her eight year old, she enjoys reading, napping and watching The Chosen.
Reflection Questions for Small Groups or Individuals
What does it mean to you to be a member of the Family of God?
What else would you add to Stephanie’s list “to start growing your relationship with the Holy Family?”
Have you done a consecration? If so, what was your experience?
What other thoughts do you have about this poem?