Reflections on the Denver Retreat
All of us at Life-Giving Wounds were thrilled to launch a chapter in Denver this May! We held a three-day retreat high in the Rocky Mountains May 7-9, with 37 retreatants and a fabulous team of 10 from Denver and 4 of us on the traveling retreat team, from the DC area.
Here are five of my personal takeaways from the retreat weekend:
The location was so incredible. We were at the Annunciation Heights retreat center near Estes Park, Colorado, close to Rocky Mountain National Park and over 9,000 feet above sea level. And everywhere you looked, you saw majestic snow-covered peaks towering several thousand feet even higher up.
This verse kept echoing in my mind all weekend: “I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:1-2). The setting was so beautiful and majestic that it was easy to sense the Lord’s presence and peace.
2. The depths of the wounds were heartbreaking. One of our goals on retreat is to create the supportive, faith-grounded space where people feel comfortable sharing honestly and vulnerably about how their parents’ split affected them. And this to people they just met! Obviously this kind of sharing doesn’t happen every day (not that it should…). It was humbling, moving, and tear-inducing to hear the stories of what people have been through because of their parents’ split. I wish that everyone considering divorce (who otherwise could stay together) could have been a “fly on the wall” to hear just how much pain is caused by divorce for children, how deep and long-lasting it really is.
Also - it snowed - in mid-May!
3. Christ truly does bring the healing. The “path” of the retreat is through dying to resurrection to going forth - an echoing of Christ’s Paschal mystery. So after hearing talks about all the wounds caused by divorce, struggles with identity and faith, struggles in relationships, struggles with anger and anxiety, struggles to forgive - and in general just feeling like this is SO MUCH to deal with, it’s at that point when we sit in the Lord’s presence in Eucharistic adoration, to look at Him as He looks at us with love, to lay our hurts and brokenheartedness and just general sadness at His feet. And the Lord meets us there. It’s amazing how rich prayer is when we come to God without any pretensions of perfection, but instead as His struggling, wounded little lambs. Or, better, as little children needing their Father. I think it’s no coincidence that our Lord opens His heart so fully to us when we open our wounded hearts to Him.
4. Even in the midst of pain, there is such joy! I think a big fear of going on this retreat is the fear people have of “opening up” all their “stuff” that they’ve avoided looking at for so long, and worrying that they’ll just come undone. Well, there were tears on the retreat, for sure - by the presenters, by the participants, by seemingly everyone! - but at the same time, there was so much joy. Even in the tears! Because it’s a beautiful thing to share a sorrow and see your own pain, your own tears, mirrored back in the faces of people who are feeling with you, feeling compassion for you.
And there was joy in knowing that you’re not “stuck” in whatever dysfunction you’ve experienced in the past, whatever bad habits of coping mechanisms you’ve developed; there was joy in knowing that you’re not alone in feeling the effects of your parents’ split; there was joy in finding a mission in the midst of your wounds, a way to help and bless others; and there was quite a bit of joy around the campfire as we enjoyed s’mores in 30 degree weather!
Lots of joy in the retreat team!
5. “It is good that we are here.” These words, said by Peter to Jesus at the Transfiguration, echoed in my heart all weekend. “It is good that we are here.” It was not easy to be there, not comfortable to examine past hurts and wounds, and share those with others. It was not fair to be there, to have whatever baggage came from a parent’s harsh words or harsh choices. But it was deeply good to be here together. I felt God’s presence the whole weekend. And it was simply amazing to see and hear the breakthroughs that people had. Finding the language for the first time to express what they’ve long felt but couldn’t articulate. Realizing that someone else knows what they’re going through. Discovering a new way to navigate an ongoing difficult relationship with more grace and peace.
If nothing else (and this is the opposite of “nothing”…) the retreat creates space for people to encounter our Lord smack dab in the middle of the mess, where He has been the whole time - “waiting in the wound,” as our “theme song” says. What a revelation, in the truest sense of the word.
God, thank you for showing up as always, thank you for your presence on this retreat, and bless all those who attended and all children of divorce or separation everywhere!
