Abba [Poem]
“Thank you, Father.”
Three words that make
my heart leap with joy
AND
three words that make
my heart tremble with fear.
“Daddy, daddy.”
Two words I long to say
AND
two words I have rarely uttered
when darkness crept in.
“Peace.”
One word I long to hear
AND
one word which always
seems to escape my grasp.
One heart
With two conflicting desires:
Rest in Your arms
AND
flee to protect my heart.
At every turn
the battle rages.
Do I trust
or
do I flee?
Do I let the earthly
mold my view of
the heavenly?
Or do I let the heavenly heal my
view of the earthly?
Childlike trust;
the key to the Kingdom
AND
the salt that makes
the wound feel
raw and red.
Deep calls on deep
and the water roars
louder and louder;
the Living Water,
refreshing my soul.
The roar of the
water sounds deeper
than the roar of the pain.
Every moment,
the struggle is new
AND
every moment,
the Grace is new.
I am here
AND
You are here.
Father
AND daughter.
You see the pain.
You see the wounds.
You see the fear.
AND
You stay.
Yours is the Heart that
gives Itself to one in misery
AND
can there be one more
miserable than mine:
a daughter left alone
and unprotected in the world?
The healing is the journey
and the Way is Love;
surrounding, protecting,
enveloping and reshaping
A heart that was broken.
Joy, love, peace,
safety, trust, hope;
all being resurrected
and restored,
step by step.
Slowly, surely,
the story is changing;
the words are changing,
being reclaimed
by the One Who is
the Word
and holds the Power to redeem.
“Peace.”
One word I long to hear,
AND
one word You whisper softly
to my broken heart.
“Daddy, daddy.”
Two words I love to
say in times of trouble
AND
two words that bring Your
healing arms around my broken heart.
“Thank you, Father.”
Three words that make my heart
leap for joy
AND
remind my broken heart
of joy and healing,
even here and now.
About the poem:
This poem came out of a recent time of prayer. When I was two years old, my father left my mother, my sister (3 months old), and myself. We saw him every other weekend for a few years, and then he remarried and moved around the country from job to job for most of my childhood. This poem expresses my struggle to call God “Abba” and to trust in His loving, faithful presence. The journey from fear to love that I describe in the poem is something I often move through many times a day. It’s not a once and done deal. There are many layers to this healing journey and there is always more to learn about how deeply I am loved. Although I don’t always turn to poetry in my times of prayer journaling, I find that as the Lord leads me deeper into my healing journey, common words and cadences don’t properly express my deepest emotions and experiences. At the very deepest, no words can do justice to the stirrings of our hearts, but here I have tried to express the journey we are all on (together) of moving from fear to love.
About the author:
Stephanie is a wife and mother of three boys. She and her family live in Pennsylvania. Her husband works for their local parish and she homeschools their boys. According to her eight year old, she enjoys reading, napping and watching The Chosen.
Reflection Questions for Small Groups or Individuals
What resonates with your experience from this poem?
Like Stephanie, do you struggle, or have you struggled, “to call God “Abba” and to trust in His loving, faithful presence?”
If you wrote a poem about Abba, what would you include?