When preparing for my own marriage, I read extensively about marriage and about how to build a solid foundation for my vocation. One idea I came across in one of the books that I read was to have my fiancé walk me down the aisle at our wedding Mass. In fact, I discovered that it is a traditional Catholic custom for the bride and the groom to enter the church together, instead of the common practice of the bride entering with her father (or a father-figure). Fr. Paul Hoesing, the primary celebrant of our wedding Mass, shared that this tradition comes from the fact that the couple actually marries themselves when they say their vows with the priest presiding over the ceremony as a witness for the church and state. As such, the bride and groom enter the sanctuary last since they are performing the marriage ceremony. Overall, the Catholic Rite of Marriage allows for much adaptation to local customs and traditions within the wedding ceremony. 

This older custom of the betrothed couple entering their wedding ceremony together appealed to me because marriage was something I was embarking on together with my now husband, Nick. Nobody was “giving me away”. The custom also appealed to me because of my particular family background. My parents were unable to resolve their marital issues. As a result, my father moved out when I was sixteen; they were civilly divorced in the years following. To me, it felt like my father had abandoned my family to pursue his own choices. He still tried to be involved in my life and my younger sisters’ lives, but he no longer lived with us. There was no reason that I felt he had to walk me down the aisle. Any notion of that was in my past. I loved my father and respected him and his continued desire to be a part of my life, but that did not include wanting him to give me away in marriage. My now husband Nick thought it was an intriguing idea to choose the older tradition of us walking into the church together and he supported it. 

This decision helped me on my journey of healing from the wounds of my parent’s divorce. It was something I was choosing to do apart from my parents and it did not involve their relationship. Nick and I were making our own choice to get married and to pursue a life together. It did not involve my divorced parents or his happily married parents. It was our decision to make before God. 

Choosing to begin our wedding Mass by walking in together was the perfect way to enter into the Sacrament of Marriage and to begin our new life together with God at the center. We had a beautiful wedding Mass surrounded by our family and friends. Towards the end, we were able to lay three white roses at the foot of the statue of the Blessed Mother Mary to ask for her intercession in our marriage and to symbolize our unity in marriage with God at its center. No wedding day goes perfectly; however, I feel both thankful and blessed to have been able to choose this custom to both lead off our wedding ceremony and to make a statement that we were getting married with God at the center of our unbroken, three-strand cord (Eccles. 4:12).  With God at the center of our marriage, we have been able to stay strong and to stay together through happiness and sadness, joy and tragedy. 

If you come from a background of family brokenness, I would like to offer encouragement as you look ahead to your wedding day. Brides and grooms—choose wedding customs and traditions that are meaningful to you. You have the freedom to make the choices that express who you are and what you hope for your future marriage and how you want to remember or to celebrate your past. Do what resonates with you and your intended. Maybe it is having your father walk you down the aisle or maybe a different beloved family member or family friend. Maybe you want to enter the wedding ceremony with your intended or maybe you want to enter alone. No matter what you choose, do it with grace and with joy because you are the one embarking on an exciting new future as you marry your best friend and begin your lives together. 

About the Author:

Jessica Bohaty lives in small town Nebraska with her husband and three daughters. Her son Anthony was stillborn in August 2021 and is their saintly intercessor. Jessica has a masters degree in History and is excited to begin homeschooling all three girls this fall. She is active in a Women’s Bible Study, in leading her parish pro-life committee and in participating in the pro-life apostolate One Heart, One Mind: A Sanctity of Life Initiative.

Reflection Questions for Small Groups or Individuals

1. To those who are married, how did you and your intended choose to enter the church?

2. What are some other pieces of advice related to the Catholic Rite of Marriage you would share to those getting married that come from divorced families?