Life-Giving Wounds

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St. Eugène de Mazenod: The Patron Saint of Dysfunctional Families

Rebecca Smith

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Charles Joseph Eugène De Mazenod. Dicastero delle Cause dei Santi. (n.d.). https://www.causesanti.va/it/santi-e-beati/charles-joseph-eugene-de-mazenod.html

These words, written in a letter by St. Eugène to his father describing his family situation, are written on the hearts of every ACOD. Reading them, I felt an immediate connection to this saint, who is not as well known as many other beloved saints. I have often wondered why, in the long history of the Church, we do not hear more often about saints who lived through difficult family situations. Surely there were plenty, but it is not usually the aspect of their lives that we hear about. And so learning of St. Eugène’s life, and reading through his letters, I found myself grateful to know that I had a friend in heaven who understands my particular pain. Even someone who lived in the 18th and 19th centuries, such as Eugene, experienced similar trials and emotions that we do in the 21st century. Given the rampant rate of divorce and family breakdown in our society today, he should be prayed to by everyone, everywhere, all the time! Unfortunately, St. Eugène de Mazenod (1782-1861) is not a saint that we hear about often. Hopefully we can change this in the Life-Giving Wounds community by frequently praying for his intercession and telling our fellow ACODs all about him!

Charles-Joseph-Eugène de Mazenod was born on 1 August, 1782 in Aix-en-Provence, France. He was the son of two noble, wealthy parents. His mother, Marie-Rose Eugénie Joannis (1760-1851), came from a very rich family, and her parents did not approve of her marriage to Eugène’s father, Charles-Antoine de Mazenod (1745-1820).  This situation would worsen after the events of the French Revolution. When the Revolution began in 1789, Eugène and his parents fled to Italy. Because his father held a high position in the Aix-en-Provence Parliament, he was a target for the revolutionaries.  They were exiled in Italy for eleven years, becoming impoverished as his father was forced to learn a trade and was not successful. Later on, Eugene’s mother, who had returned to France, with the help of her family, worked diligently to recover their property in France that had been taken by the government. However, Eugène’s father still retained the right to manage her fortune, which made it difficult for her to receive revenue from the properties and otherwise generally manage the estate. In order to receive this authority, Marie-Rose petitioned the government for a divorce, which she received. [2] This left Eugene’s father in a very tough financial situation, something that Eugene emphasized in a letter to him when he wrote: “You now have nothing.” [3]

Initially, Marie-Rose only intended the divorce to be legal and not break the religious contract. However, the situation caused all of their family tension to come to the forefront. The legal divorce ruined Charles-Antoine financially, stripping him of all marital rights. Instead of working together to recover from a stressful situation, Marie-Rose succumbed to the influence of her family—mostly her mother—who worked very hard to isolate her daughter, and Eugène, from Charles-Antoine. Additionally, it was very difficult for Charles-Antoine to receive what he needed financially to pay for his living expenses now that Marie-Rose had full control of the estate. This, on top of suspicions of marital infidelity (Eugene’s mom traveled with another man [4]), forced Eugene to realize that reuniting his parents would be impossible. 

Eventually, Eugène returned to France hoping to reunite with his mother after several years. He would experience the same tactics from his mother’s family to isolate him from his father, and experienced controlling behavior from them. To spare his father pain, he tried his best to conceal all of the hurt he was carrying through the treatment he was receiving from his mother’s side of the family. However, in a particularly honest letter to his father, Eugène reveals his feelings. It is worth reading at length (the bolded parts are what I particularly related to):

 “Can it be that no one understands me? Is it conceivable that my own mother does not appreciate me? That may sound insolent to you, but they force me to say it. To be perfectly truthful, my mother tries my patience, when she complains before she has anything to complain about. She should have—and they’ll end up by making me bad enough to wish to inflict it on her—I repeat, she should have a son like many others I know; then she would really have something to complain about. Must I sing my own praises around here, or write out my own defense? It’s a sorry state of affairs when my own family does not share the opinion everyone else has of me, and it’s a justly deserved one, I might say… I do not doubt that my mother loves me very much, but, by doing so, she is merely fulfilling an obligation imposed upon her by nature; I might say by gratitude also, since no son could love his mother as I love mine. Perhaps the family here doubts this because I love others besides my mother. Let me make myself clear. There is no obligation which says that I should love no one but my mother; but, because I do love others, this family imagines, in fact it is convinced, that I love her less than I should, and one member of the family dared to berate me for it. In all fairness to my mother, she has never given me any cause to suspect that she feels this way; and yet, there is small consolation in that, since, far from sparing my feelings, they have let me know from time to time that I have no voice in the family, and will have none until after my mother, who now gives all the orders, dies. And it hurts me very much to hear my mother say, “You can do as you please when I am gone.” I know mama means well, but she is wrong in trying to apply a general rule to a case that warrants exception. She wants me to feel that I am completely dependent upon her, and, therefore, that I should behave accordingly. You know me fairly well. Do you think this precaution is necessary? Do you think it is even wise for anyone to resort to means of this kind? Frankly, if I were more heartless and had no regard for what pleases or grieves this family, don’t they realize that I could soon become independent of them? Good Heavens! Again I say, how little they know me. They trust in weapons of which I have very little fear, while, all the time, their guarantee of victory lies in my heart." [5]

Feeling the pressure from his mother’s side of the family, coupled with boredom and loneliness, Eugène distracted himself by spending a good amount of time living a lavish lifestyle and going to parties. Eventually, he tried to find a woman to marry for advantage so that he could start a life of his own. When that did not work, he tried to obtain a high position for himself to become a wealthy man in his own right. This attempt also failed. However, this long struggle paved the way for a complete surrender to God, which happened for Eugène only a few years after these trials. During a Good Friday service  in 1807, when Eugène venerated the Cross, he understood in a profound way the love of Jesus for him and decided then to dedicate his life to Christ. He entered the seminary the next year, became a priest in 1811, and a bishop in 1837. He founded the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate, which was formally approved by Pope Leo XII in 1826 and still exists to this day. Talk about a complete turn-around! 

This turn-around did not mean, however, that Eugène did not struggle with the aftermath of his parents’ divorce and all of the tumultuous events that followed. According to one article, Eugene struggled with anger. [6] While having a temper is not necessarily a result from a dysfunctional family life, it often is! Furthermore, St. Eugène had a fierce loyalty to his family, which is common amongst many ACODs, despite the harm we experienced from our families. In a diary entry from October 1808 (a year after he entered seminary), he says: “I have not changed over the years. I idolize my family. I would let myself be cut up into little pieces for some members of my family, and that stretches out to quite a long way for I would give my life without hesitation for my father, mother, grandmothers, my sister and my father’s two brothers. Generally speaking I love with passion everybody I believe loves me... ” [7]. Lastly, he states that he was very sensitive: “It is hard to understand, given the portrait of myself I have just painted, how sensitive a heart I have, overly so in fact…” [8]. I think many ACODs can relate to struggling with anger, while simultaneously fiercely loving their families and having sensitive hearts. 

Like many of us, St. Eugène lived with and worked through these intense emotions every day of his life. In and through this reality, however, St. Eugène accomplished a great deal in his life, especially in helping the poor and evangelizing souls. His family life, though fraught with turmoil and dysfunction, led him to meeting our Lord and having a profound moment of conversion, where he felt Christ’s love for him. It was in this moment of understanding the unconditional love of our Lord, the love he did not receive from his parents (most especially his mother), that allowed him to find the strength to fulfill God’s amazing plan for him. So too for us, who struggle with dysfunctional and broken families. Our strength is found through the unconditional love of our Heavenly Father. 

On his deathbed, May 21st, 1861, St. Eugène said: “Practice well among yourselves charity, charity, charity, and outside, zeal for the salvation of souls.” [9] He died the Tuesday after Pentecost Sunday , while praying the Salve Regina. St. Eugène, fellow ACOD who suffered harm from his earthly parents, was converted by the unconditional love of his Heavenly Father, and died while praising his true mother, Our Lady. In his heavenly parents, the loss of the love of his earthly parents together was redeemed. As ACODs, we would do well to imitate his example. Let us resolve to become friends with this saint who understands us so well. St. Eugène, pray for us! 

Endnotes:

  1. Letter from Eugène to his father about his family, March 6th, 1803 found in Leflon, J. (1970). Eugene de Mazenod, Bishop of Marseilles, founder of the Oblates of Mary Immaculate, 1782-1861 Volume I The steps of a vocation, 1782-1814. Fordham University Press. P. 251 (https://omiworld.org/wp-content/uploads/book21.pdf#page=277)  

  2. Leflon, J. (1970). Eugène de Mazenod, Bishop of Marseilles, founder of the Oblates of Mary Immaculate, 1782-1861 Volume I The steps of a vocation, 1782-1814. Fordham University Press. P. 246 (https://omiworld.org/wp-content/uploads/book21.pdf#page=272)

  3. Leflon, J. (1970). Eugène de Mazenod, Bishop of Marseilles, founder of the Oblates of Mary Immaculate, 1782-1861 Volume I The steps of a vocation, 1782-1814. Fordham University Press. P. 246 (https://omiworld.org/wp-content/uploads/book21.pdf#page=272)

  4. Leflon, J. (1970). Eugène de Mazenod, Bishop of Marseilles, founder of the Oblates of Mary Immaculate, 1782-1861 Volume I The steps of a vocation, 1782-1814. Fordham University Press. P. 249 https://omiworld.org/wp-content/uploads/book21.pdf#page=275 

  5. Leflon, J. (1970). Eugène de Mazenod, Bishop of Marseilles, founder of the Oblates of Mary Immaculate, 1782-1861 Volume I The steps of a vocation, 1782-1814. Fordham University Press. P. 251-252 https://omiworld.org/wp-content/uploads/book21.pdf#page=277) 

  6. Rebecca. (2023, May 19). Eugène de Mazenod - 10 reasons why you should get to know him. Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate. https://oblates.ie/10-reasons-eugene-de-mazenod/   

    1. https://oblates.ie/10-reasons-eugene-de-mazenod/#:~:text=He%20is%20the%20patron%20saint,of%20separation%20from%20his%20father.

  7. Mazenod, C.-J.-E. d. (2003). Diary 1837 (M. Hughes & R. Zimmer, Trans.). O.M.I. General Archives. (https://www.omiworld.org/wp-content/uploads/18-Diary-1837-1.pdf#page=17) 

  8.  Ibid. 

  9. Beaudoin, Y. (n.d.). Spiritual testament of Eugène De Mazenod. OMI World. https://www.omiworld.org/lemma/spiritual-testament-of-eugene-de-mazenod/  

Intercessory Prayer:

Almighty and loving God, 

you led St Eugène de Mazenod 

through the sufferings and challenges of a broken family 

to a life of holiness. 

Through his constant intercession 

bless those whose relationships are damaged and broken.

Grant them the gifts of understanding, patience, love and courage

 to overcome the problems of life. 

We ask this through Jesus Christ our Saviour and Lord. 

Amen.

(The above prayer is mostly taken from the Oblates web page “St Eugene – Patron of the Wounded Family” here.)

St. Eugène de Mazenod, patron saint of dysfunctional families/families in crisis, and families experiencing upheaval due to being refugees, divorce, or other reasons, pray for us.

About the author:

Rebecca attended a Life-Giving Wounds Retreat in 2019 and was amazed at the amount of healing and bonding that occurred in just three days. She decided to be as involved as she could with this burgeoning ministry. In her spare time, she loves reading, baking, and listening to podcasts! 

Reflection Questions for Small Groups or Individuals

  1. What resonated with you in St. Eugene de Mazenod’s story? What connected with your story?

  2. Does his story inspire you in any way? If so, how?

  3. How would you summarize the impact of parental divorce on the life of St. Eugene de Mazenod?

  4. For those who feel called to the religious vocation, reflect again on this passage: “Feeling the pressure from his mother’s side of the family, coupled with boredom and loneliness, Eugene distracted himself by spending a good amount of time living a lavish lifestyle and going to parties. Eventually, he tried to find a woman to marry for advantage so that he could start a life of his own. When that did not work, he tried to obtain a high position for himself to become a wealthy man in his own right. This attempt also failed. However, this long struggle paved the way for a complete surrender to God, which happened for Eugene only a few years after these trials. During a Good Friday service  in 1807, when Eugene venerated the Cross, he understood in a profound way the love of Jesus for him and decided then to dedicate his life to Christ. He entered the seminary the next year, became a priest in 1811, and a bishop in 1837.” When did you feel the call to the religious life, and what role did parental divorce/separation play on that journey?

Bonus Videos:

Enjoy this three part series on the life of St. Charles Joseph Eugène de Mazenod (1782-1861).

See this content in the original post

Further reading:

If you enjoyed this article and would like to get to know St. Eugène de Mazenod even more, Life-Giving Wounds has compiled a brief bibliography of sources about him.