Is it just me or does anybody else here dread Christmas? Honestly, I feel like a bad Catholic saying this out (writing this?) out loud! But, it’s true. I dread this time of year. It’s partially because of stressing over the perfect gifts from my kids, partially because I dislike having so many extra items (gifts) to find a home for in our house and partially because of being an introvert and disliking so many large gatherings. Really though, all of those things are frustrating, but can be dealt with on a surface level and mitigated one way or another. What I can’t change is the family dynamics lurking in the background of what is touted as a season of Joy and Peace. 

As an adult child of divorce, I also have to deal with extra family visits, new/changing family dynamics, extra lists and presents (which the kids don’t seem to mind!) and most of all, living through a season where we are celebrating the beauty of family and unending love. That last one is the kicker and cuts right to my heart. Sometimes it seems like the holidays, and especially Christmas, mostly serve to remind me of how broken my family situation truly is. 

This year, I want to ‘treat’ the underlying cause of my Christmas stress! 

How? 

Well, I don’t have all the answers, but the one I have chosen is as follows: This Advent and Christmas season, I plan on spending more time with the Holy Family! 

I have realized at this point in my journey (and am in the process of accepting this as true), that I cannot change the facts of my family situation.  My parents have been divorced since I was two. So in addition to ‘regular’ Christmas stress (trying to fit in visits with my family and my husband’s family), I have to deal with the fact that: My dad has not been around very often (I only remember being with him one Christmas growing up and it is not a happy memory). My dad is an alcoholic and our relationship is very unstable right now. I have no idea what he intends to propose or do for Christmas. My half brother (from my dad’s second marriage, and with whom I did not spend much time with as a child) often likes to visit around Christmas. My mom remarried when I was an adult and we now have a blended family Christmas party (I love my step siblings and we get along, but since we did not grow up together it can sometimes feel like we are more like acquaintances than family). 

When I list all this out, I am filled with compassion towards myself. And towards all of you reading because I am sure your situations are factually different, but essentially contain the same pain and strife. 

So, again, what do I do? 

The only thing I can really control is my own internal, spiritual life (although I admit even that seems out of control at times!).  Right now, I want to do that by spending more time with the most perfect of families! The best part is that I know I am called to be a part of this perfect, intact family! I think that spending time with the Holy Family will keep me focused and restful. I missed out on what God intended, an intact family, mother and father, together, loving and protecting me. But, I know that God can and does redeem this grievous wrong, for me and for all children of divorce. Our families may be broken and messy, but that was not the plan from the beginning and God does not just leave us in our pain.

The Catechism says, “The hidden life of Nazareth allows everyone to enter into fellowship with Jesus by the most ordinary events of daily life. (CCC 533)” 

This is what I want, for me and for all of us, this Advent and Christmas season: to spend time hidden away with the Holy Family, in love and protection, and in preparation to love fully those around us. 

For me, this will look like spending time in prayer with the Holy Family, imagining myself traveling along with them through the ups and downs of their life together. I want to spend time imagining myself in the Christmas story, seeing myself as part of the Holy Family, welcomed and included in their journey. Above all, I want to spend time resting with them. My heart is so often full of strife and discord, I want to spend time resting in the love of an intact family!

I pray that God will guide each of us to enter further into our identity as His Beloved children, regardless of the situation in our earthly families. I pray you will join me this Advent and Christmas season in asking God to reveal His true plan, His plan of love (cf. John 3:16) and mercy, for each of us! 

Here are some resources I have used or will use this season to find rest and solace with the Holy Family: 

1. Meditating on the Gospel infancy narratives

2. Here Am I : A 4 week online Advent program to Live Silence, Renew Hope and Welcome God.

3. Behold: Let the Holy Family be your light through Advent as you receive the healing power of Christ. (This one is a book/guided journal.)

4. 33 Day Consecration to Saint Joseph: This book within it about Saint Joseph which can also be used separately from the consecration itself. 

5. Holy Family Novena from, and with, Life-Giving Wounds: Holy Family Sunday is celebrated the Sunday after Christmas. Life-Giving Wounds typically prays the novena together as a community. The 2023 Novena is scheduled for Friday, December 22, 2023, through Sunday, December 31, 2023. We would love to have you join us in prayer.

Intercessory Prayer

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, most perfect of families, guide and protect us as we learn to rest with you this Advent and Christmas. Holy Family, pray for us! 

About the Author:

Stephanie is a wife and mother of three boys. She and her family live in Pennsylvania. Her husband works for their local parish and she homeschools their boys. She likes reading, watching documentaries, playing board/card games and going for walks without her phone. 

Reflection Questions for Small Groups or Individuals

1. What is the Holy Family teaching you this year as we prepare for Advent and Christmas?

2. Reflecting on your family of origin, how can you bring those wounds and hurts into the perfect family—the Holy Family, and allow their love to bring healing to your prior (or current) experiences?

3. What is your favorite image of the Holy Family?

More upcoming Advent and Christmas events with Life-Giving Wounds:

• Advent Reflection (online) with Fr. John Baptist Hoang, OP | Wednesday, December 13, 2023 8:30 PM  9:30 PM | Learn more about, and register, here: https://www.lifegivingwounds.org/calendar/adventreflection2023.

• We are continuing our annual tradition of our FREE Advent devotional videos “Journey to Bethlehem” with Fr. Dan Leary. This year’s theme is “Preparing for His Presence.” | Learn more about, and register, here: https://www.lifegivingwounds.org/adventdevotionalvideos.