The Life-Giving Wounds retreat has been in the Arlington diocese for three years now, and there have been many incredible fruits. I’ve been blessed to help lead the retreats, and this year I witnessed a particularly special occurrence: a retreatant is converting to the Catholic faith because of her experience on this healing retreat! First, I will explain my own side of the story, and then I will share the “full story” that this retreatant wishes to extend to you.

On our retreat in 2019, I made myself available for casual one-on-one conversations off to the side. One retreatant shared with me that she was not a baptized Christian but signed up because she thought that this retreat might be helpful. I let her know that that was fine, of course, and that I hoped that she would still be able to gain a lot from the retreat anyway. We shared our experiences of our parents’ divorces and chatted a bit about how to carry this cross in an honorable way. Once our discussion ended, I returned to the rest of the retreat, and we finished the weekend.

Fast forward to this summer (2020). In the lead-up to the retreat, this same woman reached out to me to see if she would be able to come on the retreat again this year. I said sure, and we got her signed up. Upon arriving at the retreat, she comes running up to me, and says, “Alex! I wanted to let you know: I am in R.C.I.A. now, and it’s in large part thanks to the retreat last year! And my husband, who was always Catholic, is growing in his faith now too!”

I was stunned!! What a surprising, wonderful thing! Since the retreat is heavily Catholic, it tends to attract those who are already Catholic, but need to give attention to the wound of their parents’ divorce. However, here was a case of someone who was looking for healing from this wound anywhere she could find it, found it on this retreat, and was brought into the fold through her retreat experience.

I had to hear this full conversion story! I called and spoke with her recently - here’s what she shared with me, and what she wishes to extend to you.

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Last year, my husband, who is Catholic, heard about the healing retreat for adult children of divorce through the parish bulletin. He showed it to me, knowing my family background, and asked if I’d be interested in going. I saw that it was a Catholic event, but I looked into it and realized that it was really open to anyone who wanted some guidance. So I decided to go.

For context, I drew nearer to the Catholic faith in little steps, over time. When my husband and I were just engaged, we went through Catholic marriage prep, where I learned more about what the Catholic faith believes about God, marriage, moral issues, and so on. Those things made sense to me, but there was still something missing; I wasn’t yet ready to convert, per se, merely because the teachings made sense.

The healing retreat was KEY in bringing me to the point of conversion in two ways. 

First, GOD was there on the retreat for me to talk to. I think that a secular program for this wound would probably provide the statistics, common issues, small groups, etc., but this retreat brought me face-to-face with God himself, to work through this wound with him.

I had this powerful experience at a specific point. I guess Catholics are used to this thing called “Adoration,” but I wasn’t familiar with it personally. Adoration was offered on the retreat, and we all went to the chapel. Some prayers and chants were sung at the beginning, and then the host was left on the altar and the priest went off to the side. Time went by, and everyone just sat there. Nothing happened for a long time. I kept looking at my watch. I thought, what are we waiting for? Are we waiting for somebody?

I was confused at first, but in the end that experience was really moving for me. Because at some point I realized that there was this space for me to tell God, right there, about what I have been through. 

Second, the retreat was instrumental for my conversion because it helped me to see that there is a healthy way to confront this wound: we can grow, if we do this the right way. On this note, the very end of the retreat was helpful, when the question was asked, “Where do we go from here? What next?” 

Part of that concluding talk listed books for further reading, many of which were written by adult children of divorce. Some authors wrote in a way that was really peaceful, helpful, and forgiving. These were people who had learned from their parent’s mistakes and were able to break the cycle of dysfunction, infidelity, etc. Other authors were angry, profane, and bitter, and those authors actually continued the same unhealthy patterns of their parents in their own lives. I realized that it’s up to me now to decide how I’ll go forward. Will I forgive and grow? Or will I be resentful?

I experienced all of this at a retreat center that was in a really beautiful location, with a priest who was so honest about his own wounds, and with other people who were welcoming and open… it was great. Even the cafeteria ladies were gracious and kind! There was also this statue of the Holy Family in the chapel… Being able to look at that statue and see that I have a holy family in Jesus, Mary, and Joseph was really beautiful.

After the retreat ended, I went to my husband and asked him a lot of questions about the Catholic faith! We started reading about the faith together, in addition to going to Sunday mass. I began R.C.I.A., and I will enter the Church next year. 

I am so grateful for this retreat! As a conclusion, I would say that the retreat helped me bridge the gap because it taught me about the meaning of suffering, and how to suffer in a good way. 

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Glory to God in the highest!

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Editor’s note: Check out the list of upcoming Life-Giving Wounds retreats on our website, here. You can also see our list of recommended reading for adult children of divorce, here.

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Alex grew up in western Pennsylvania and studied Theology at DeSales University. Through the experience of seeing his parents get divorced while he was in college, Alex decided to study at the John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and the Family in Washington, D.C. He completed the Master of Theological Studies degree and coursework for the Ph.D. 

Alex is now employed by the Office of Marriage, Family, and Respect Life at the Diocese of Arlington, where he focuses on marriage preparation and healing for children of divorce. He serves as the Content and Support Group Advisor for Life-Giving Wounds and is a member of the Life-Giving Wounds traveling team.