What happened to an ordinary eight-year-old girl who led a regular, peaceful life after she and her parents were exiled to the United States for political reasons?  Her world as she knew it was no longer: everything changed.  Suddenly her second language needed to be put into practice, there was a new school, she had no friends, her extended family was left behind, and new customs and traditions needed to be learned. She was the outsider everywhere she went.

This girl is me. This is my story and the story of my discovery of Mary, my mother.             

I discovered at age eleven that my parents’ marriage was breaking up. The words “broken family” became my reality. Fear of abandonment and loneliness took over and silence filled my days as I continued my everyday childhood activities.  My father was busy living his life while my mother was totally overcome by sorrow and betrayal.  Being an only child, I became silent and quite withdrawn.  What a deep hole was being forged in my heart!

I felt so alone, embarrassed by my circumstances because “broken families” were not well looked at in the 1960s. I had no idea of what to do, and I did not know how to help my mom.  Her sadness filled the house and it became her prison.  Where could I turn to for help?  I certainly could not talk to my new friends about this. Did anyone know my family was broken?  Who could I talk to without being judged?  Everything changed.  My silence took over.

At my parochial school, the religious sisters talked a lot about Mary, the mother of Jesus.  They reminded me of my maternal aunt, who would always tell me about Mary. She would pray the Rosary on her knees every day.  I questioned why these women loved Mary so much.  I wondered why she was so important.  One day I decided I would start a relationship with her and see where she led me.  I began carrying a rosary, and even though I might not recite it, I would hold the beads and allow them to caress my fingers.  Even so, who was this Mary? 

Much later in life I looked in the Catechism of the Catholic Church and found the following:

(490) “To become the Mother of the Savior, Mary ‘was enriched by God with gifts appropriate to such a role.’  The angel Gabriel at the moment of the annunciation salutes her as ‘full of grace…’”

(491)  “…Pope Pius IX proclaimed in 1854: The most Blessed Virgin Mary was, from the first moment of her conception, by a singular grace and privilege of almighty God and by virtue of the merits of Jesus Christ, Savior of the human race, preserved immune from all stain of original sin.”

(494)  “…Mary responded with the obedience of faith, certain that ‘with God nothing will be impossible’: ‘Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be [done] to me according to your word.’  Thus, giving her consent to God’s word, Mary becomes the mother of Jesus.”

(496)  “…affirming also the corporeal aspect of this event: Jesus was conceived ‘by the Holy Spirit without human seed.’”

So, Mary was created by God the Father as the Immaculate Conception to be the mother of Jesus, who was incarnated in her womb by the Holy Spirit. She was born free from original sin (cf CCC 389); she did not know or commit sin in her life.  Because of her Immaculate Conception, Mary is the pure vessel in whom Jesus would be born.  She lived a holy life, but she was not spared from great suffering in her Immaculate Heart.  Mary embodies love, obedience, and humility.  She is the one that filled my life with hope, love, faith, and peace. 

As I clumsily decided to pray the Rosary, my mind would wonder off to my own suffering.  I felt I could not focus, but the more I prayed, the more I realized that was Mary’s way of asking me to turn over my memories so I could let them go. It was quite difficult because I realized I wanted control over those memories, but, truly, I knew I had to remove the ball and chain that was attached to me so that I may become the person God desires me to be.  I could not enjoy my life and my own family because I was being held back by the past. I needed to live in the present.  I began to turn those memories over to Mary and ask for her complete guidance. The more I journeyed with Mary through the different mysteries of the Rosary, the more I saw her as the Mother who was ready to comfort me and lead me to her Son, Jesus.  Each mystery provided me with new insights and a different perspective.  As I became more familiar with her own suffering, I saw myself in a new light. I realized she understood me and all my needs.

Mary, as the Immaculate Conception, helped me to develop my spirituality.  She led me to a true and consistent prayer life.  As I grew to understand her relationship with the Holy Trinity — Father, Son and Holy Spirit — it started to make sense to me.  It is one beautiful loving community of three turned into One that took Mary under their care and protection. 

When the pang of abandonment emerges, I choose to go to God the Father and allow myself to fully feel his love for me as his daughter. “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27)   I am reassured that I am a child of God, made in his own image and likeness. I feel truly blessed!

When rejection and betrayal make their entry, Jesus fills my heart with strength and humility. As he was rejected in his hometown of Nazareth where people knew him, I reflect on his words: “A prophet is not without honor, except in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house.” (Mark 6:4) Jesus understands me and loves me exactly for who I am because I am a child of God and, God, being perfect in every way, only creates good things.

When fear, doubt and aloneness weave their way into my heart, I search for the Holy Spirit living in me and I reflect on these words of Jesus: “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever… you know him, for he dwells with you, and will be in you.” (John 14:16-17) Mary teaches me to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit: those little inner nudges we feel every now and then telling us to do or to refrain from something. 

Mary teaches me to be obedient to God’s words just as she was. Even though she suffered greatly, she obediently accepted God’s will, knowing that nothing is impossible for God.  It is not easy to be obedient, especially when asked to do things I do not like or enjoy, but I am trying.  Mary is my mentor.

As I reflect on Mary standing at the foot of the cross, her sorrow, strength, and humility surpass everything I have ever experienced.  Jesus gave us his own mother to be our own personal mediator.  “He said to his mother, ‘Woman, behold your son! Then he said to the disciple, ‘Behold your mother!’” (John 19:26-27) She is the greatest gift ever given to us.

Mary has been instrumental in my life as I continue to progress and grow in my spiritual life.  I am a work in progress; that will continue until my very last breath.  I give thanks for our Blessed Mother’s extraordinary birth (celebrated on September 8th) as she continues to bring Jesus quietly and lovingly to all her children, without calling attention to herself.  I am grateful for her active presence as Mother and teacher in my life, and for the comfort and love she gives me always.  Mary, may I never stray from your loving care.

“MARY CONCEIVED WITHOUT SIN, PRAY FOR US WHO HAVE RECOURSE TO THEE.”

Intercessory Prayer:

“Holy Mary, Mother of God,

you have given the world its true light,

Jesus, your Son – the Son of God.

You abandoned yourself completely

to God's call

and thus became a wellspring

of the goodness which flows forth from him.

Show us Jesus. Lead us to him.

Teach us to know and love him,

so that we too can become

capable of true love

and be fountains of living water

in the midst of a thirsting world.”

The above prayer can be found at the end of the encyclical Deus Caritas Est by Pope Benedict XVI.

About the author:

Graciela Rodriguez and her husband have been married for 53 years. They have two adult married children who have given them one granddaughter and two grandsons.  She completed her MA in Pastoral Ministry in 2016 from Barry University.  Her pastoral project, Maestro, ¿dónde vives? Vengan y vean. La Dirección Espiritual, caminando con Jesús, was published in 2017 by the Piarist Order in their journal Analecta Calasanctiana. Graciela also completed her MSW in 2000 from Barry University. She currently facilitates a Life-Giving Wounds support group in Miami, Florida and is an alumna of the Life-Giving Wounds retreat. You can find a previous blog on the Fourth Commandment by Graciela here: Honoring your father and mother.

Reflection Questions for Small Groups or Individuals

1. Have you ever felt exiled? How did you cope?

2. If you have discovered Mary as your mother, when did it happen? What feelings and thoughts come to mind as you reflect on Mary as your mother?

3. What lessons have you learned, or can you learn, as you reflect on the life of Mary?

4. How has Mary made an impact in your life? How has she made an impact on your journey of healing?