Being an adult child of separated or divorced parents can truly affect our internal dialogue. There are anxieties, fears, insecurities, feelings of unworthiness, brokenness inside of us that we may feel too afraid to share or even acknowledge. As a consequence, no one can speak truth to us and we can believe the lie that we cannot love, or that no one understands our pain. Talking about these experiences is something that seems to be taboo or, worse, that we are “playing the victim”, but we are the ones who suffer firsthand our parents' decision to split up or the marriage crisis. Life-Giving Wounds is a safe haven for people to be able to open up about their past, struggles, and wounds. And the beautiful thing is, we don’t stay there (in our wounds) because we have a redeemer, who makes us a new creation.

Our past does not define us, but our past has shaped us in many ways and it can trigger us and create many fears, anxieties, and insecurities. We can believe, or at least that is what I thought, that “I am so broken that I am beyond repair,” but that is a LIE. We have a God who loves us intentionally, constantly, securely. I’M HIS and HE IS MINE.

He is the good Father. 1st John 4:18-19 says, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.” By acknowledging this truth, I realized in my heart that He is perfect love. When we allow Him to love us completely, it will take away all fear, anxiety, insecurities, and any belief that we are broken beyond repair or unworthy.  

We all are broken; it is part of our fallen human nature. The challenge is what to do with our wounds and brokenness. Are we “guarding” ourselves so much that we do not allow anyone to be able to see us, love us, or truly get to know us, to the point that we cannot even receive Him or give ourselves truly to Him or our brothers and sisters, as we are called to do? On the other hand, if we present our wounds, fears, insecurities, and brokenness to God, if we lay it all out to Him, I can promise you two things: One, it is going to hurt, and two, it is going to change you. Your wounds will give you life! You will be healed. No, it’s not going to be a fairy tale process where there is a magical wand that makes all the past wounds disappear. On the contrary, you will see them more deeply and start remembering things that you thought you had forgotten. You will be able to understand how you self-sabotage, or how you repeat patterns. But the paralyzing fear that makes you believe that you are broken beyond repair will disappear because His love sets you free. His love is redeeming, and restores you. He will comfort you and a new hope will flourish inside of you that lets us know that there is nothing to be afraid of because everything is okay. 

God is not afraid of your past. He wants you to know that His love is what defines you. You’re His and He is yours. You’re His beloved. He is waiting for you to let Him restore your heart. His love will make us realize what true love is, as St Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient , love is kind. Is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 

Even though we might not have that image of love from our parents, and we have no reliable models to follow, we can come to the real source of love that makes us anew. God’s love gives a new perspective of what is love. Some fears will completely disappear, while others fears will still linger but they do not have the strength to paralyze us anymore. In this newfound freedom, we are able to become the person He has created us to be. Our wounds help us become more dependent on Him and see life through His eyes. We become more compassionate, more loving, more consistent in our pursuit of holiness. Our wounds make us closer to Him. And because we know so clearly what love is and isn’t, I believe that as a result of that we love better and we become a better reflection of Him. This is as a result of our relationship with Him. The more we pursue Him, the more we learn that perfect love can only be found in God, and we can only strive to love as properly as we can. 

In the retreat, we learned that the feelings we are feeling about our parents’ divorce or separation is not as alienated to others as we thought. The speakers, the spiritual exercises, journaling, and small groups only emphasized that there is life beyond our past. Hearing the testimonies of the speakers  gave us hope. Our wounds are life-giving; they do not determine our life. God is the only one who defines our worth, and He makes us worthy. The small groups created such a supportive, understanding, and loving environment that you gain friends for life. Life-Giving Wounds retreat actually makes us new creatures in Him, and is a personal encounter with a community that prays and supports you in this walk of healing, which is the best walk we can have in this life. We are more than our wounds because we are His. All our true identity and worth is found in Him alone. 

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Maria Jose Corniell lives in New York City, New York and is a psychology student. She loves her NYC Catholic Family. She enjoys baking, sports, hanging out with friends, and tea. For her there is nothing more beautiful than Adoration and Mass and afterwards “delight and deliver” with her friends (share how God delights in us / pray a deliverance prayer together – a special tradition at NYU!).