During the Life-Giving Wounds Lenten/Spring support group this year, I was struck by how many of the speakers mentioned that the Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach to understanding one’s inner world and emotions has been helpful to them. As each shared how this inner work has been an important element of their healing journey, I felt the need to write this blog post, especially for those of you who may be unfamiliar with IFS and with the way some Catholic therapists are working to reconcile it with Catholic anthropology and teaching.

Now, before I share more I want to put out this disclaimer: I am not a psychotherapist or a licensed counselor. I do not have the experience or benefit of seeing how IFS has impacted a variety of clients. My knowledge about Internal Family Systems stems from my own reading and personal journey in therapy. I have my own opinions and skepticisms on certain aspects of IFS and do not endorse it as an end-all-be-all approach to healing. That being said, like others, I have found it to be a helpful tool in my healing process and I do believe in its potential to transform one’s relationship towards oneself and others.

For those of you who may be unfamiliar with IFS, I will first give a simple overview. Then I will share a little of my own journey with IFS. Finally, I will give a simple book review, sharing my thoughts and reflections on the Catholic approach to IFS as laid out by Dr. Gerry Crete in his newly published book Litanies of the Heart: Relieving Post-Traumatic Stress and Calming Anxiety Through Healing Our Parts.

What is Internal Family Systems?

At its core, Internal Family Systems is a psychological and philosophical approach to understanding one’s inner world. This approach is the brainchild of Dr. Richard Schwartz, a family therapist who treated people with trauma. Schwartz had a background in family systems theory which studies how the various relationships of the members of a family play out in the mental health of an individual. Schwartz (2020) realized that understanding a person as an internal system, just like any other system, was about recognizing how parts relate to each other in a stable pattern (Internal Family Systems Theory, p.25). Systems theory, he realized, could be also applied to one’s inner world of thoughts, sensations, and emotions.

As he worked with clients, he listened to how they described parts of themselves and the inner conflicts or partnerships that emerged. He started to understand each person had their own “inner family” of different parts. As he developed this framework of understanding, he came to identify three different patterns of parts within his clients.

1. Exiles: When people are wounded and experience trauma, parts of themselves may hold the pain long after the event has occurred. These parts of the person can be “exiled” or banished from the person’s awareness on a day to day basis. Often these parts carry thoughts, feelings, memories, desires, or other aspects of a person’s inner world from a very young age or from a difficult or traumatic experience. Schwartz (2020) writes, “Exiles are the parts who have been exploited, rejected, or abandoned in external relationships, and then subjected to negative judgments from other parts of the system.” (Internal Family Systems Theory, p.32). Examples of Exiles could be younger parts that feel shame or grief or parts that yearn for love and attention.

2. Managers: People try to move on from painful experiences by developing protective parts of themselves who manage their day to day life. These Managers are often the parts of the person which they most identify and the parts that they allow others to see. The Exile parts remain hidden from view. Schwartz explains, “In general, managers have no tolerance for fear, shamefulness, and emotional pain… Having locked up exiles, managers live in fear that they will escape. Various managers adopt different strategies to avoid interactions and situations that might trigger an exile.” (Ibid, p.32-33) Examples of Managers could be hardworking parts, achievement or success-driven parts, or parts that want to control the environment.

3. Firefighters: When the pain, memories, experiences, desires or other aspects of the Exile parts start to come to conscious awareness or start making themselves more strongly felt, a person tends to have Firefighter parts that jump in to help them cope with the pain and discomfort. These Firefighter parts are another form of self-protection, although their coping mechanisms are more extreme than the Manager parts. Schwartz describes their role, “they react to surfacing exiles as if an alarm has gone off, doing whatever they believe is necessary to distract from or suppress the exile’s emotional firestorm with little (or no) regard for the consequences to the client’s body or relationships.” (Ibid, p.35) Examples of Firefighters could be addictive behaviors such as drinking, watching pornography, parts that explode in rage, or parts that numb out and avoid all emotion.

Beyond these three parts of the person, Dr. Schwartz discovered something else, something more deep and profound. 

Self: In each of his clients, no matter how many aspects of self-protection were present, no matter how deep the wounds, and no matter how extreme the coping mechanisms were, he discovered a basic goodness, an orientation toward healing, and ability to relate to those various parts from within. Dr. Schwartz began to define a concept he calls “Self,” or “Self-leadership.”  Schwartz recognized that “everyone has a seat of consciousness at their core, which we call the Self.” (Ibid, p.38). Healing, for Schwartz, is about having the Self take leadership of the entire inner system and help the parts.

My journey with IFS

I accidentally discovered IFS when my Catholic therapist started to incorporate it into our sessions. That was probably a good thing as if I had known about the theory ahead of time I might have outright rejected it as weird and too dogmatic. While it has not been the easiest framework to enter into and accept, I have found several elements particularly helpful. 

1. Parts language resonates with me. 

My parents’ divorce during my elementary school years deeply wounded me. The traumatic circumstances that were a catalyst for the divorce certainly had the power to transform my inner world into Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters. By middle school, I had a Firefighter part that dealt with emotional pain and anger by cutting or hitting myself. I found it soothing, but also addicting. Other forms of addiction entered in as well. When re-reading my journal from high school, I clearly see the language of parts in my writing. I recognized an inner child, like a preschooler, longing to play. I wrote about a part filled with anger and rage at all the emotional abuse I suffered at home. I managed, with all my extra-curricular activities and academics, to maintain a life that was by every external appearance successful and resilient.

2. The Internal Family Systems approach helped me go much deeper within. 

When my therapist helped me to feel safe enough to explore these inner parts of myself, I very quickly realized that we were entering into some pretty deep waters. IFS was helping me get in touch with emotions and patterns of reactions that I had not accessed previously. It was exhilarating and frightening because I did not know what to expect, and I could feel things I had not admitted to or felt for a long time. This is where I had to learn to not only be patient with the process and rely more on my therapist, but to also respect and honor the place of self-protection in my life. I was used to so many people having expectations or hopes for what my own healing journey looked like: “turn the page,” “I hope you don’t have to deal with that forever,” “move on,” etc. It practically made me feel guilty and weak for seeking ongoing support. Counseling? Been there, done that. Tears? Shouldn’t I be done crying by now? 

I did not realize it, but I wanted to push myself to heal as quickly as possible. I had to learn that my strong desire to heal did not mean I could rush the process. It is okay to go slow, in fact, in Internal Family Systems, it is best to go slow. I love what Dr. Dan and Bethany Meola (2023) wrote in their book, Life-Giving Wounds: A Catholic Guide to Healing for Adult Children of Divorce or Separation: 

The truth is, healing is a life-long journey. That is why there is no rush, there is no need to pressure ourselves to accomplish something. We can take it one day at a time.

3. IFS teaches me that every part of myself can be respected and valued.

Personally, one of the most powerful aspects of IFS is the insistence that every part of a person, whether an Exile, a Manager, or a Firefighter, has good intentions and deserves the utmost kindness, respect, and compassion. This has been a challenge for me to accept. I realize that my own internal judgements on parts of myself can be very harsh and unkind. Some parts of me hated other parts of me, or felt threatened by them, annoyed with them, impatient with them. Learning to soften my own judgments about parts of myself and discover my fears about what these parts felt and represented has helped me become more internally whole and moved me in the direction of greater integration.

Key takeaway 

Given that family instability through parental divorce or separation is so wounding for children, whatever their age may be, it is likely that ACODs will resonate with some of the aspects of IFS that I have mentioned, especially the presence of Exiled parts that are hurting and in need of love and care, protective Managers that want to steer clear of painful thoughts and memories, or reactive Firefighters that try to cope with pain as best they can. While Internal Family Systems is not a perfect approach or philosophy, it can be helpful when understood as an optional means of understanding oneself and one’s inner world. I think we can all benefit from greater self-awareness and a growing sense of compassion for the parts of ourselves that we do not like, feel ashamed or afraid of, or try to hide.

A Catholic Approach to IFS: What You Need to Know

I cannot write about a Catholic approach to Internal Family Systems without mentioning that the founder of IFS has advocated for beliefs and practices that are not in alignment with our faith. For example, there is a certain idea that parts can be separate entities or real and vastly different beings, which contradicts our understanding of the human person as one union of soul and body (cf CCC 362-368). Schwartz also denies the Catholic doctrine of original sin (cf CCC 388-390) and tends to view the Self as very God-like, innately perfect and complete. There are also those, including Schwartz, who are open to or promote self-discovery in IFS work through the use of psychedelic drugs. That is why it is important to approach IFS with discernment and a firm sense of where to draw the boundaries.

Souls and Hearts with Dr. Peter Malinoski and Dr. Gerry Crete

Thankfully, there are two Catholic psychologists who have done extensive work at combining IFS with faithful Catholic practice and teaching. These two men, Dr. Peter Malinoski and Dr. Gerry Crete, co-founded the Souls and Hearts ministry, through which they have launched several other initiatives, including the Interior Integration for Catholics Podcast, the Resilient Catholics Community, the Be With the Word video meditations, and most recently, the Litanies of the Heart, a series of healing prayers, and the book Litanies of the Heart: Relieving Post-Traumatic Stress and Calming Anxiety Through Healing Our Parts, published by Sophia Institute Press. It is this book which I would like to now review.

Book Review: Litanies of the Heart

Dr. Gerry’s book, The Litanies of the Heart, is a beautiful, unique, and truly impressive work that combines his clinical experience as a trauma-informed counselor with his deep desire to love God as a Catholic Christian. The main body of the writing is 228 pages, with additional pages dedicated to an impressive series of six appendices, including a guide to praying the litanies, as well as important glossary of terms, history of parts work, and a critique of Dr. Richard Schwartz’s book, No Bad Parts. If you want an introduction to Internal Family Systems without having to wade through any aspects that are not consistent with the Catholic faith, this is the book to go to. I would like to highlight three characteristics of Dr. Gerry’s writing.

1. Comprehensive — Dr. Gerry does an amazing job at covering a lot of territory. He not only introduces the reader to the Internal Family Systems model and to a deeper understanding of trauma, but also demonstrates a way to approach IFS with a Catholic faith and spirituality, provides snapshots of how people could come to discover healing through this model, and makes it all accessible to the reader through his well-organized chapters. If you open up the book at random, you will likely find a Scripture quote, a psychological concept, a story, and a personal application. Each chapter contains reflection questions that are thought-provoking and meaningful. Overall, this book has something for everyone. It is not surprising that his book is endorsed by Dr. Bob Schuchts, Fr. Boniface Hicks, Matt Fradd, and Life-Giving Wounds contributors Dr. Andrew Sodergren and Dr. Kathryn Wessling.

2. Faithful — While being a book about healing and post-traumatic growth, I can honestly say that there is such a richness of faith and spirituality presented in these pages that it often reads more like a spiritual reading book than a book about psychology or healing. The sheer amount and diversity of footnotes and references shows Dr. Gerry’s depth of knowledge and commitment to his own spiritual growth. In reading his work, I was pleasantly surprised to find quotes from saints, even those I do not know well, like St. Maximus the Confessor. I was impressed to see footnotes that include the Summa Theologica of St. Thomas, a sermon of St. Leo the Great, the City of God by St. Augustine, among others. Scripture passages are regularly referenced, if not quoted, throughout the book. This is a book written by a disciple of Christ who wants the reader to grow in God’s love. As he writes at the end of the book, “I pray this book represents the beginning of a journey to discover how the riches of the Christian faith and an understanding of the inmost self and our parts can lead to inner calm, improved personal relationships, and a deeper union with God. May God bless you as you continue your journey of healing and sanctification.” (p.228) Wow. The reader can tell that this book is a work of love and prayer. I do not doubt that those who read it will not only grow in healing, but in faith as well.

3. Insightful — Dr. Gerry contributes so many beautiful and unique insights into the integration of faith and psychology. His section on “Jesus as Model—Eight Characteristics of the Redeemed Inmost Self” is a fascinating description of God’s love and our call to love, in imitation of Christ, based on his research of how Jesus interacted with others (p.60-71). His triple litanies of the heart, written to address our insecure attachment patterns and their consequences in our relationship with God, are one of the very few and rare intersections of mental health and the Catholic prayer form of a litany (p.45-48, 132-137, 180-184). His regular meditations are like walking with a Catholic counselor, on demand, through areas of healing (p.29-30, 72-73, 87-88, 99-103, 119-121, 150-151, 168-170, 199-201, 221-223). 

Conclusion

For adult children of divorce and parental separation, having trusted resources for the healing journey is important. The burdens and wounds caused by parental separation or divorce can have a significant impact and last a lifetime. That is why I think it is good to know about and consider if the Litanies of the Heart and a Catholic approach to Internal Family Systems might be something to add to your healing tool box.

Footnotes:

Meola, D., & Meola, B. (2023). Life-Giving Wounds : A catholic guide to healing for adult children of divorce or separation. Ignatius Press.

Schwartz, R., & Sweezy, M. (2020). Internal family systems therapy (Second). Guilford Publications. 

Editor’s Note:

For those struggling with their mental health, here is a resource page from Life-Giving Wounds to Christian and Catholic mental health resources that may be a start.

If you are having or have had thoughts of harming yourself or others, or feel like you are experiencing a mental health emergency or mental health crisis, please do any or all of the following:

1. Call 911 or go to the nearest Emergency Department for help and an evaluation

2. Text the Crisis Text Hotline: Text HOME to 741-741

3. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call or text 988

4. Chat with crisis centers around the U.S.: Lifeline Crisis Chat, https://988lifeline.org/chat/

Intercessory Prayer

Saint Dymphna, patron saint of nervous disorders and mental disease, pray for Adult Children of Divorce.

About the author:

Emily Rochelle graduated from Franciscan University of Steubenville with a Master’s in Catechesis and Evangelization in 2021. Having experienced her parents’ divorce while she was in elementary school, Emily has a heart of compassion for those who suffer and a deep desire to bring the healing love of Christ into people’s lives. She lives in Wisconsin with her husband.

Reflection Questions for Small Groups or Individuals

1. Can you name some of your parts? Have you encountered them in meaningful ways? 

2. Is there anything about the three types of parts (Exiles, Managers, Firefighters) that resonated with you?

3. How did your parents divorce or separation cause you to develop various coping strategies that might have become a part of your personality?

4. Do you ever notice an inner critic or other aspects of yourself that seem to be in conflict? How might you gently welcome all aspects of yourself, without pushing anything away?

5. Have you tried to keep painful memories, thoughts, or emotions away from your awareness? What do you do to cope when painful feelings arise? 

6. What tools have you found helpful in the toolbox of your healing journey?