“Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive,” wrote C.S. Lewis.

Indeed, the idea of forgiveness is noble, but when it comes down to actually forgiving this person who has harmed us in a very specific (and painful) way, it’s not easy — to say the least.

And forgiving a parent for past (or current) harms can be particularly difficult because our parents are meant to care for us and protect us, to be people we can turn to with our own difficulties. When that care was (or is) lacking, it can feel like a deep betrayal. Plus, in general we as children desire a relationship with our parents. What does, or can, that look like when there is a history of deep hurt?  

Keep in mind that forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation (which takes two people), but sometimes must be offered unilaterally. It is a difficult process, but it is also freeing. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, condoning, or approving the harm done, and it goes hand and hand with setting healthy boundaries. Seeking out therapy and empathizing with the other person’s own struggles helps.

With all of that in mind, here are 5 ways to go about forgiving a parent who has harmed us.

Please continue reading the full article on the Grotto Network: https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/how-to-forgive-your-parents/.

Intercessory Prayer

St. Maria Goretti, patron of forgiveness and mercy, pray for us ACODs and our relationship with our parents.

About the authors:

Dan and Bethany Meola’s biography may be accessed here: https://www.lifegivingwounds.org/our-leadership-team.

Reflection Questions for Small Groups or Individuals

1. Without verbalizing their name, who is it you struggle to forgive and why?

2. What stood out to you on the list?

3. Where/what are “the limits of your relationship with your parent(s)?”